He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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