none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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