Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
