your room smells of hookers.
And success
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
