does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
