; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
