Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
