I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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