My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
