Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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