I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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