I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
