going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
