Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I need water and some morals
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
