I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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