I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
