he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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