you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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