I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
