I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
