there's paper in my vomit.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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