i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
