I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
