Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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