That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Michael Bay diarrhea
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
