well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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