were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
