Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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