12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
