I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
