oh god the rape fog is back!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
