Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
