Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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