so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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