I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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