Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
