make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
