I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
