It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
