This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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