I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
