Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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