I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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