Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
