you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I still have a little drunk in my system
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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