Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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