So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
