Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
