so that wasnt chicken after all
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Say something about gay babies.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
