Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
